If It's Good Enuff...

Let's not beat about the bush, at the end of our "Fat Boys Slim" we intend being dead ringers for none other than David Beckham! The fact we may need a head and body transplant is neither here nor there, that's our goal and we're going for it with a passion. With this in mind we're in the process of getting our photos taken at the premises of all our sponsors and if Becks gets his medical sponsored we're going to go one better.

Last Tuesday saw us on our first "photo shoot" - we apologise to anyone who was in the vicinity of John Finnie Street and saw two fat blokes in shorts. It wasn't pretty and sadly we were harpooned three times in the space of 100 yards. Here's a wee rundown of what we were up to and the pictures will be in the Standard all through our slimathon –
 

KLIN HOMES - We started off at our main sponsor and with the money we raise we hope to buy a luxury mansion with swimming pool etc just like they have in Madrid!

DUNCAN MCLEAN (SOLICITORS) - We had to go and sign the "Fat Boy Slim" contract at the solicitors to ensure we'll see out the full 10 week contract - easy.

GOLDMITHS (JEWELLERS) - If Becks has a taste for diamond earrings then so do we although all those jewels will add on a few pounds at the weigh-in.

FORTRESS SECURITY - There's no way we're going to be strolling around with all these thousands we're raising, thanks to Fortress our safety is guaranteed.

CUT ABOVE (HAIRDRESSERS) - Becks spends countless hours on his barnet and so do we but the sight of Hippo in a long blonde wig has to be seen to be believed.

Look out for the humiliating pics and we'll update you on our next modeling session next week. Meanwhile after the euphoria of week 1 the weight losses were hugely reduced although we are still heading in the right direction. Baz lost 2lbs, Hippo lost 1lb, Bluehand lost 3lbs + Oboab lost 7lbs - Swanee couldn't make the weigh-in so we'll update you next week.

Come on folks we'd urge each and every one of you to help in any way possible so get in touch with us. Contact Baz on 0771 055 3693 or call Sandy on 0774 771 8754. A huge thanks also goes to the following companies who are the first to put their moolah where their mouth is; Klin Homes, J.R.D. Partnership (Accountants), Fortress Security, Goldsmiths, Millennium Beauty, The Cut Above, Duncan McLean Solicitors, Ritchie (UK) Ltd. and Fitness First.

The Names Bond, Killie Bond

Since we're making an effort via the slimathon we reckon it's time some other fans did their wee bit to raise the club some cash in these critical financial times. The Killie Bond was re-launched last year and the club were delighted with the new agents jumping on board. There's always room for improvement all the same so why don’t you become a Killie agent and get your friends, family and workmates to spare a quid or two a week. It takes very little work, helps our beloved club and you get the chance to work with the lovely Elsie. Give Elsie a call on 01563 545310 and she'll get you sorted out.

Killie Xmas Club

We're sure that as we head towards the end of February all your thoughts are turning towards Xmas!! The Killie Shop has a novel way of helping you plan ahead, join the Killie Xmas club and save monthly to help ease the burden come December. It's a fantastic idea especially for families and all of a sudden having to buy two or three kids strips isn't quite so painful on the bank account. If you move quickly you'll get the bonus of a free Killie gift (first ten punters only) so get moving straight away. Give Josie a call on 01563 545310, you can put away as much or as little as you can afford.

Killie Crumble

While everyone is pulling out all the stops off the park to bring in some much needed cash, it has to be said that if the team doesn’t start producing the goods on the park pretty soon then all the effort being put in is going to go to waste. How are we ever going to pull in more season ticket holders next term if we continue to perform so badly? In fact how are we going to keep the extra people who signed up last time around?

With the exception of the Partick game when we at least looked a little up for it in the second half, we’ve been playing like puddin’s for far too long now. It was no surprise on Saturday to hear some calls for JJ to get his jotters. You can expect that every other week at Rugby Park, but when the away support finally loses it’s patience then it’s a sure sign that there’s trouble at mill.

The Killie Kickback message boards are awash with disgruntled fans venting their spleen about the current situation. The forums are normally busy anyway but there’s nothing like a bad run of results to boost the amount of site traffic. It seems that the only thing we like better than gloating over a win is going ballistic when we get gubbed!

Personally (and I don’t speak for the Hippo on this) I don’t think that sacking the manager is an option, but I’m probably in the minority at the moment. I reckon we are floundering at the wrong end of the table due to a variety of reasons, it can’t all be JJ’s fault. Since his introduction to the club Jim has been told to cut the wage bill left, right and centre…and only been allowed to shop in the bargain bins. We’ve been dreadfully unlucky with injuries to key players and suffered greatly at the hands of some incredibly inept match officials. Lucky white heather anyone?

I’ll be the first to admit that there have been times when I’ve questioned the managers judgment, and his (ever changing) team selections, but given the circumstances, are we going to be able to bring in anyone who can do any better? I doubt it. JJ produced something from nothing last year and I think given time he will turn things around again…unfortunately we are fast running out of time.

The hardest thing to take has been the lack of bottle from the team in general. Last Saturday against Motherwell is a prime example. Despite what the newspapers reported, we played like a bunch of Nancy boys and when the big bad ‘Well players started kicking lumps out of us we just couldn’t take it. How ironic that the most lambasted player on our books, Gary Locke, seems to be one of the very few who looked up for the challenge.

Okay, we know that the players are not dyed in the wool Killie fans and we can’t expect them to be as passionate about the club as the fans are. However, these guys are all professionals who are plying their trade in the SPL for OUR club and at OUR expense…surely the least we can expect is maximum effort and commitment on match days?

I’m not saying for a minute that anyone goes out there and doesn’t want to win, just that it shouldn’t have to take the chairman offering a double bonus for a top six finish to get their tails up for a game. Send Monty in there this week instead, I’m sure he would tell them a thing or two about what it means to pull on those blue and white stripes!

Read the B&H column in the Kilmarnock Standard every week