Youths in Semi Final

THE first team may not have had much joy in cup competitions this season but our youth team has been on a good run. The stars of tomorrow face Hearts at Tynecastle tonight (Thursday 18) in the semi final of the Scottish Cup. Over the last 10-15 years we have always had a decent youth set-up but we’ve never quite managed to win the cup. We remember travelling through to Tynecastle about a decade ago to meet the Jambos at the same stage but sadly we failed despite a gallant effort. I know there will be a few Killie fans making the journey so we'll try and get a match report - Hippo is in Edinburgh that night but has another night out planned, alcohol-free we may add. Best wishes to the youngsters and let's hope Stephen "Kid Goals" Naismith is on song.

Beckham Body Doubles

OUR quest to look like a pair of Beckham stunt doubles knows no bounds and last Friday saw us embark on the second round of our photo shoots. Photographer Jim Page still had to dig out the wide angled lens as we toured about some friendly local businesses that are very kindly helping us out. Here's a brief rundown on out whirlwind tour of Killie Town centre:

McNEIL AND SONS - The long established high quality furniture store managed to squeeze us on to a luxury sofa - they'll maybe have to sell it as damaged goods now! CHAPLINS RESTAURANT - Boss Kate was on hand to make sure we stuck to salads as need to eat the right food if we're to revive our flagging football careers. Kate's dad is Killie legend Davie Sneddon so all you Killie fans are guaranteed a warm welcome when you call.

MILLENNIUM BEAUTY - The gorgeous girls in the beauty salon have never faced an impossible task like the two of us before. Baz was looking a million dollars in his pink nail varnish although it needed more than fake tan to make Hippo look a bronzed icon, and there was no way he was getting into paper bombers!

J.R.D. PARTNERSHIP - If we're going to be earning like Beckham we need some top accountants on hand and there's no better place than J.R.D. The lads and lassies in the office will have their work cut out counting all our millions (of lira).

Again we'd like to thank everyone who has stopped us in the street and pledged cash to the cause, we are trying to do something positive for the fans and the club here and every penny is appreciated…have you done your bit yet? Contact Baz on 0771 055 3693 or call Sandy on 0774 771 8754. The Fat Boys Slim Challenge is sponsored by Klin Homes, J.R.D. Partnership (Accountants), Fortress Security, Goldsmiths, Millennium Beauty, The Cut Above, Duncan McLean Solicitors, McNeil & Sons, Ritchie (UK) Ltd., Fitness First, Kilmarnock UPVC Ltd and Brownings the Bakers - bung us 100 bucks and your name will be added to this list of local businesses who are big enough to give the fans something back.

Love Thy Neighbour

AYE that will be right! We never thought we'd see the day when the manks down the road were a stronger team than the mighty Killie but it must be taking some effort on their part to hold up the whole of Division One! Ex-Killie players Tony Calderon, Gus and Bully are doing their bit to make sure that the no-hopers are cooling their heels in Second Division next season…and to be fair it’s no more than they deserve. We’re not exactly flying high in the PREMIER league ourselves this season but performances are improving of late and nine points off the Jags have virtually ensured that its press darlings Thistle who will get the chop should a team who meets the criteria win the First Division.

And what’s all that about? That’s the one thing, and the only one may I add, I tend to agree with our unwashed neighbours about, the SPL should be known as the Self Preservation League. The whole set up is stagnant enough as it is (with the crazy fixture situation) without no promotion or relegation. The ‘powers that be’ change the rules often enough when it suits them, and the sooner they ditch the 10,000 seat ruling the better. It may have been seemed appropriate at the time but it’s no longer relevant. Times change and if you don’t change with them then you are left behind…exactly what is happening to the Scottish game.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathise (©Trisha) with teams like ourselves who have had to really struggle to keep together a decent squad of players while complying with the SPL rules and the effects of the Taylor Report, but you have to draw the line somewhere and it’s in our own interest to do so. They should drop the figure to around six or seven thousand and make sure that crowd safety is taken into consideration above all else. I’m all for bringing back terraced areas as well like they have in Germany (with removable seats for European matches) as surely now that everyone is aware of the dangers they can be controlled effectively?

Talking of the old days and terracing takes me back to the original topic…how funny will it be to see the piggery dwellers get relegated? Big Match Draw guru Tommy Adams gave us a few clippings from a Yahooville local paper the other week, and what a laugh that was. Apparently they have two of the local yoyos writing a fans column in the sports section…wonder where they got that idea eh? They apparently like to fill their column having a dig at Ayrshire’s finest, how quaint, mind you I suppose if we had a terminal case of a*r united we’d want to have a go at our superior rivals as well.

If that lot are representative of typical a*r fans then it’s no surprise that their future is looking particularly bleak. Its common knowledge that you need a degree in stoopid to qualify for a Scummerset season ticket, but reading some of the posts on their web site leads me to believe that there is plant life on this planet with more intelligence. They reckon that they’d rather be getting relegated to the second division than have as much debt as us…they reckon that they wouldn’t want promoted to the SPL because no one bar the old firm have any chance of winning it…they reckon, ah hell, why bother, you get the picture. The term defeatist attitude was never more apt. It’s obvious that tiny minds must only be able to have tiny dreams. I hope they enjoy their trips to Dumbarton and Alloa, we can look back nostalgically at our time in the lower leagues, but when push comes to shove it is better to be up where we belong…in Scotland’s top flight.

Association Meeting

The next meeting of the Supporters’ Association is Thursday 25 March in the Park Suite. We reported on Davie Mackinnon’s presentation from the previous one so this is your chance to take go and hear what’s going on for yourself. Chairperson Ann Reid also tells us that tickets are now on sale for the Ardrossan & District play of the year dance on Saturday 17 April. Tickets are £10 for the event which will kick off at 8.00pm in the Ardrossan Bowling Club and that includes your bus and buffet.

Read the B&H column in the Kilmarnock Standard every week