GOTCHA!

Last week's revelations in your Scottish Sun about the KFC half time draw prize that shook the very foundations of the Western World pale in comparison to the shocking revelations that our mole has uncovered for us this week.

Forget Christine Keeler and the Profumo affair, forget Dick Nixon and the Watergate scandal, our starting exclusive is going to blow the lid on the whole shocking truth of what has been happening at the home of world football.

Due to legal reasons we cannot obviously name any names but it has been alleged that one of Kilmarnock's rising superstars is guilty of fixing the results of a recent club competition in exchange for favours of an intimate nature with a nubile young fan!

The young defender (who from now on shall be referred to as 'the judge') was recently given the task of helping run the official club website, but the temptation to abuse his position of power was obviously too much for him to bear and in his haste to capitalise on his good fortune he has effectively scored an own goal.

The whole sorry affair would probably never have seen the light of day if it hadn't been for our informer pointing out the incriminating evidence which the erstwhile Romeo foolishly posted on a popular Killie website for all to see!

The 'off the ball banter' between the two guilty parties was strewn with innuendo alluding to their sordid affair in a thread quite aptly entitled 'Expo'. The promising youngster said "U were (drunk) that night!" and his mistress replied "Oops, must have forgot about that nigth d****d...how could I forget that after all it was the best night I have ever had".

The next thing we know said mistress and her beau were caught red handed by our snapper Sandy Ferguson exchanging the merchandise!

The Sun condemns such underhandedness as this and demands that Tony Blair and his government do something to stamp out this corruption instigated by our stars of the future as at this rate it wont be long before they are let loose on the fixtures list at the SPL Headquarters.

We would like to add that since this story went to print it has been pointed out to us that the young player mentioned was not involved in the draw, the winner was actually the mistress's twin sister, and that this whole article is a non-story. But we never let the truth get in the way of a good story at our newspaper!